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I childproofed my house, but they still get in...
-- Submitted by Larry Kaminski from Fort Bragg, CA


























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I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
-- Groucho Marx

 There are all kinds of love in the world,
but never the same love twice. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald


Drawing on my fine command of the English language,
I said nothing. -- Robert Benchley


 Not all who wander are lost.
-- Bumper Sticker


Once you enter the world of parenthood,
you'll only be as happy as your saddest child.
-- Dr. Phil McGraw


Fads decimate individuality.

Stereotypes are by-products of a simple minded society.

 -- Submitted by Shaun Patrick Dynes from Arlington, TX

Life is like a game of poker, sometimes you have the cards, sometimes you don't.

-- Submitted by Katie Shink from Washingto

Life Guide: Don't jerk people around, do it smoothly!

 -- Submitted by Roger Stewart from Perth, Western Australia
e-mail: rojak1@bigpond .com

Only in people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a Diet Coke.

Only in banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

 Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

 Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

 Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

 Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

 Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? 

-- Bumper Stickers

You cannot be lost if you did not know where you where headed for when you started out.

Tomorrow may yet come, but today will never come again.

There is no future for those who live in the past.

If you do not say what you feel, who will?

The effect may remain long after the cause in gone.

When two share the same pain, they are one.

Letting go is hard to do, yet there are times when it is what must be done.

-- Submitted by William L. Kite from Glenwood, Iowa

 A man isn't known by what he has, but by what he does with what he has.

If you have the urge to be somebody else, then you obviously arent being yourself.

If I handed everyone in the world a pennie everytime I said something stupid, I'd be twice as broke as I was before.

When the time comes, be patient. but, till then, wait for that time to come.

 -- Submitted by Sydney Henrikson from Rockglen, SK. Canada

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

You should not confuse your career with your life.

No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Never lick a steak knife.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Your "real" friends love you anyway.

by Dave Barry

Well-behaved women seldom make history.

-- Bumper Sticker

Nothing's wrong with whining if your friend enjoys it too and both of you as experts know when to take a cue!

The Rhyming Dictionary is best friend to a poet like me, but friend to every poet the Thesaurus ought to be.

If I could live my life again, I would not go back if all my memories were not still intact.

Life is a luck of the draw to which you previously agreed.

My life is so ironic that I'm happy when I'm sad.

Thank me and I'll remember you forever; Ignore me, and eventually I'll go away.

If every day were Christmas . . . what would become of Halloween?

Poetry is a lovely way to voice disappointment.

-- Submitted by Andrea Dietrich from Pleasant Grove, Utah

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live...

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us...

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once...

Most nudists are people you don't want to see naked...

If you look like your passport photo, you probably need the trip...

 -- Submitted by Larry Kaminski from Fort Bragg, CA

 Never is almost as meaningless a word as Forever.

 The first war was fought with clubs, and stones, the only thing that has really changed is that today the clubs are fully automatic, and the stones have nuclear warheads.
 To write with feeling requres more than just pen and paper.

 No less than all you have, is what you need to get to where you want to be.

 It seems you never hear the truth from those you should hear it from.

 Some never find what they set out looking for, but sometimes they find things of much more value.
 -- Submitted by William L. Kite from Glenwood, Iowa

Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art.

-- Submitted by Larry Kaminski from Fort Bragg, CA

Real love is the steadfast, slow-growing, everyday love, that lasts while forever maintaining its mystery, and slipping through the fingers of those who ineptly grope for understanding.

-- Submitted by Breanna L. Dennison from Severna Park, MD

All my heart hides is all I can reveal.

-- Submitted by Joe Farrag from Toxteth, Liverpool, England

It is a fool who says," can I ask one more question?" to a man with no answers.

-- Submitted by Michael from Rockford, Ohio

Understanding that you know nothing, is the key of great knowledge.

-- Submitted by Michael Hainline from Rockford, Ohio

Old hags know more of life than young princesses.

-- Submitted by Susan Palmer from Port Orford, Oregon

Good advice from loving parents, on which you didn't act may be the very same advice your son just snickered at.

One man's junk is another's treasure, this I know for fact. But since it looks so lovely in your home, I want it back!

-- Submitted by Elizabeth Santos from Pottstown, PA

Love is like a roller can only get off in one piece when it is at the bottom.

-- Submitted by Lindsay Brooke from MARYLAND

Why is there never time to do it right, but always time to do it over?

-- Submitted by Manny Romanias from Pittsburgh, PA

A single tear can flood the heart.

-- Submitted by Joline Garrett from Two Harbors, MN

Success is like flying a plane; flying is easy, getting off the ground is the hard part.

-- Submitted by Kamal Cooper from Tallahassee, FL


A wise man is simply a foolish one who remembered most of the lessons life taught him.

To walk in somebody else's footsteps means you will leave no impression on the earth.

-- Submitted by Brian from UK

Maturity is a disillusioning burden to be met only with disdain and regret.

-- Submitted by Charlie Reeves from Mesa, Arizona

 Most spend far more time in the pursuit of what they want, than what they need.

Fate favors only a few, if you are one, you are lucky!

The hands of the clock, with every trip around its face, wipe out all that was, and bring us to what is.

One of the great mysteries of life is how we can care so much about some, and so little about others.

A circle of lies can be broken only by the truth at its center.

The only fire hotter than those of hell, is the fire of passion.

If you need a reason to treat others fairly, try this one: it is the right thing to do.

-- Submitted by William L. Kite from Glenwood, Iowa

The greatest attribute of being a writer is kindling a small flame from within the soul; and through the pen, a raging inferno of imagination springs forth.

-- Submitted by Nick Stein from Biloxi, Mississippi

Why is it that a man's greatness is so recognized in death and taken for granted in life?

-- Submitted by Tammy G. Motola / Kenny Graham Jr.
from Midlothian, Virginia

Life is like a dream you never want to fall asleep on.

-- Submitted by RICHARD BAILEY from Whittier, CA

Love is a universe for all emotions at the peak of their most beautiful intensions.

Touch my heart and you've touched my future.

-- Submitted by Eddie T. Fox from Stockton, CA

Many men have followed their intellect and gained much, but the man who ignores his heart regrets even more.

-- Submitted by Kendra Williams from Melfort, Sask., Canada

If you don't care where you are going, any road will take you there.

-- Submitted by Amariah Anna Huth from Lawrenceville, GA

Youth is nature's most highly curable condition!

-- Submitted by Sue Lewis from Chatsworth, GA

You never stop loving them, you just learn to live without them!

-- Submitted by Vivian Maldonado from Crosby, TX

I've shed an ocean of tears, and still I can't sail away on my dreams.

-- Submitted by Janel Thompson from St. Joseph, MO

Shoot for the moon -- even if you miss you'll still be among the stars!

-- Submitted by Maggie from North Carolina

Some people do what they think they should do, some people do what they think they have to do. Some people do what they want to do, some people don't know what they are doing and some people do nothing.

-- Submitted by Leo Causey from Van, Texas

First you must order to achieve!

-- Submitted by Lisa Engstrand from Pawhuska, OK

We are all cut from the same cloth, but we are not all washed in the same water.

The worse things seem to happen at night, but then, so do the best things.

There are those who do not know the power of just their smile.

But for love, life would be hell.

The lost cannot be found if no one looks for them.

Why do good dreams end, while bad ones seem to last forever?

-- Submitted by William L. Kite from Glenwood, Iowa

Painting the town red only leads to large dry cleaning bills.

Loving thy neighbour only leads to village gossip.

-- Submitted by Lou Pounder

The only thing worse than being in love, is not being in love.

Those who hear not the song of life may walk among the living, but they are dead already.

If you ask, you may not like the answer, but if you do not, you may find not knowing harder to live with.

There are things you just cannot run away from, for they are in your heart, and they always will be.

Within a smile is all the joy of life, and within a tear all the sorrow of the world.

If you believe you could face death, then surely you can face life.

To a writer, words are the body and ink is the blood.

If you get a second chance take it, for third ones come very rarely.

-- Submitted by William L. Kite from Glenwood, IA


Some of our personal favorites:

Zen saying:
Now that my house has burned down, I have a much better view of the moon.

Old age is a shipwreck.
-- Charles de Gaulle

One reason thankfulness is so important is that it inoculates children against despair.
-- Wade Horn, President of the National Fatherhood Initiative

No house is big enough for two women.
-- Clara Jackson McNairn

For what does a man profit if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?
-- The Bible

No woman is frigid; it just takes the right man.
-- Clara Nichols

There is never any substitute for genuine encouragement.
-- Nick Barton, London, England

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life:
Music and Cats.
-- Albert Schweitzer

History repeats itself -- first as tragedy, then as farce.
-- Karl Marx

Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
-- Oscar Wilde

Every man keeps a prisoner groaning in his heart.
-- the Japanese poet Takubuku

Life is what happens to you while we're busy making other plans.
-- John Lennon (From the song Beautiful Boy)

Not only is it necessary to love, it's necessary to say so.
-- Unknown

A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.
-- Cinema Archives




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