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GRIEVE
NOT FOR ME
Grieve
not for me or for my low outcome
For I have not by chance acquired this
state
I bartered on my own to reach my sum
And I and I alone chose every
gate
Am
I so much apart from other men
Who never proudly stood above the
crowd
Who never reached the best they might have
been
Whose fields of worth were never fully
plowed
Still
I am not the lowest of the low
And many men would envy what I've got
Their lives have little value they can
show
And gladly would they dare exchange their
lot
In
short, I offer but this brief refrain
My needs were never greater than my
gain
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JUST
THOUGHTS
Sometimes
in thought, I reconstruct the past
Or conjure scenes of what might come to
be
At times, I'll alter scripts or change the
cast
Sometimes I'll put a hero in for
me
But
these are only pictures in my brain
Reflected scenes from deep within my
soul
They sate me with their pleasures and
their pain
While each demands I reconstruct my
role
Like
puppets on a stage within my brain
I pull the strings while figures tell the
tale
With me in charge, there's nothing too
insane
The colors of these scenes will not be
pale
But
this is just a thing to do at rest
Reality's where all must meet the
test
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NOTHINGNESS
The
nothingness has once more come to call
Persistently its presence drawing near
Transfixed, I cannot rise nor can I
fall
So I'll just wait for it to join me
here
I've
come to know it well across the years
Those years that mark my journey to this
place
A journey of regrets, some joys, some
tears
Too filled with memories made I loathe to
face
So
come to me my friend and take me in
And let your hollowness become my own
Disperse this world that crowds me once
again
And help me now forget all I have
known
Then
to your silent nothingness I'll cling
And thank you for the brief respite you
bring
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WHAT
GOOD'S THIS FLESH?
I
yearn to tear away this useless flesh
Discard this fragile frame by which I
stand
Reject all mortal things that now
enmesh
My life in things that I have never
planned
What
good's this flesh if it may never
sense
The wonder and the joy of your caress
If freed, my soul might bridge that mortal
fence
To join your soul without the world's
redress
And
yet despite this shed of useless tears
You'll stay your course and still alone
I'll go
My silent pain will never reach your
ears
Your body and your soul aren't mine to
know
This
flesh will never taste your sweet
embrace
For you were never meant to be with me
Your soul is destined for a higher
grace
One day to wed with God's
eternity
No
matter what I do, I've no control
What good's this flesh, and more,
what good's this soul
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INVISIBLE
He'd
become invisible to the wind
And likewise quite transparent to the
light
No hint from where he'd come or where he'd
end
With setting sun, he blended into
night
What
sounds he made did not disturb the air
No footprints left behind to mark his
path
His movements never changed the landscape
there
His passing brought no joy but left no
wrath
This
faded formless farce that now is him
Is not a state acquired of his own
choice
Those eyes once filled with light that now
are dim
Once shined so bright they seemed to have
a voice
His
life took on this pattern most unkind
When he no longer mattered in her
mind
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PRETENDED
I
looked upon her loving countenance
And saw her soul there looking back at
me
As we embraced in seeming reverence
My heart cried out to just be holding
thee
Too
well I knew her heart felt as my heart
Though different partner's faces did we
see
And as I acted out my given part
My only thoughts were those of loving
thee
I
answered to her needs but she not mine
Convicting me of base dishonesty
For even there as we did intertwine
I just pretended I was there with
thee
With
last embrace and then a parting kiss
Our union ended, never more to be
How sad to realize how she might miss
Her having me, as I miss having
thee
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THE
SWELL
Once
more we rise and fall and rise again
In rhythmic pounding blows without
remorse
While grinding and destroying all that's
been
And all we yet may find along our
course.
For
we're the mighty swells that form the
sea
And waves that wash relentlessly
ashore
That frightful ocean called humanity
A plague upon this earth for
evermore.
The
chorus and the symphony so sweet
That started out as nature's early
plan
Became cacophony with ragged beat
Once fate produced this creature known as
man.
With
no apparent hope for harmony
This earth will someday drown within our
sea.
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THUNDERSTORM
All
black and billowed up in darkened rage
Like mighty ships the storm clouds course
the sky
To shadow all beneath upon that stage
Then once in place, their volleys start to
fly
The
whirling winds come lashing out in
gusts
With sheets of rain they sweep across the
land
Great rolling thunder through the air then
busts
To shake the earth in rigors fierce and
grand
Bright
jagged bolts of light rip through the
air
With terrible purpose, some will smite the
ground
Through everything they touch they burn
and tear
And in their wake they roll that deafening
sound
Such
ways of nature leave the mind dismayed
What force she wields to forge this subtle
link
All sound and fury that she just
displayed
Was made to give the earth a little
drink
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COLD
A
bitter cold from Winter's angry stay
Surrounds all things to suck away the
heat
And grimly hides the brighter light of
day
In skies of grey all filled with snow and
sleet
This
visitor of gaunt and gloomy form
Descends at times to vent its ragged
rage
Dispensing waves of hardship and of
harm
Till all is frozen solid on its
stage
Ill
tempered winds then slice the air like
knives
Through cloth and flesh they pierce to do
their deed
Relentlessly against all things it
drives
Till all the warmth within begins to
bleed
The
landscape left seems pure all dressed in
white
A wondrous mix of beauty and of
blight
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WIND
It
speaks through rattling leaves and
twisting limbs
A presence felt without a form to see
Provoked by changing tides and season's
whims
It races over land and over sea
Sometimes
it speaks in low and muted tones
Like mothers use to lull a child to
sleep
But other times, with frightful howls and
moans
It gathers force and coils itself to
leap
And
then it lunges out to vent its rage
While churning skies and blotting out the
day
A mighty beast escaping from its cage
And all within its path may come to
pay
But
when its rage is spent, its pressures
ease
And it becomes again that gentle
breeze
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ROOMS
Now
through another door I'll quietly pass
And scattered through that room I leave
behind
Small pieces of my soul like chards of
glass
Forever left but never out of
mind
That
room was just a stage for one brief
play
Wherein I acted out what was then me
As I transitioned from another day
From what was then, to now and yet to
be
Into
the next room, slowly now I go
To meet new players and to learn my
role
And act my part in this unwritten show
Without a hint of any final
goal
How
this will end, I cannot yet assume
Until that final door, that final
room
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COWARD
Such
bitter vetch, the venom of defeat
But just reward for those of spindly
spines
They earn the right to taste their
conqueror's feet
And kiss the nether parts of their
behinds
How
just their cause once was then matters
not
Once tails are firmly tucked between their
legs
Their cowardice decides their final
lot
And leaves them in the role of one who
begs
And
those they rule are then themselves
debased
When men of low conviction take the
lead
Those men who ravel loose when first
they're faced
With chance that they must fight and then
might bleed
But
men who would not veer because of fear
Who stood their ground when even
overpowered
Have won for all of us things we hold
dear
And what does mankind owe to the
coward
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EDGES
Sometimes
they're very straight and smooth and
long
And then they'll curve and wind another
way
At times, their jagged features seem all
wrong
With nothing to explain the way they
stray
Like
fences bend to follow earth's terrain
Weak compromises often must be made
To circumvent obstructions on their
plane
So changes in their shape become their
trade
There,
all we've ever been and ever known
All triumphs and all failures we have
made
And all we've ever thought or ever
shown
Are held within these boundaries we have
laid
They
tell the tale of how each one then
strives
These jagged lines, these edges of our
lives
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GUILT
It
ties and binds and holds us captive
here
Like victims underneath a witch's
spell
Entwined by circumstances brought too
near
We choke on our remorse until we're
pale
No
judge or jury brought this verdict in
No court convened to hear both side
debate
For we and we alone now weigh our sin
And we and we alone will judge our
fate
No
clang from cell bars closing us within
No physical restraints to hold us here
Yet still the sentence passed must now
begin
Within this jail not there but seen so
clear
This
prison is a place our mind has built
Where conscience is the warden of our
guilt
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IS
THAT YOUR SACK?
A
sack is made for toting things around
For holding things that we may need to
stash
So they can someday easily be found
Or sometimes just for putting out the
trash
Now
sacks may come in many shapes and
forms
To fit a certain use and certain place
When packed with groceries, they may fill
our arms
And sometimes tend to poke us in the
face
Some
sacks are made to use and throw away
While some we'll use to store old memories
in
Then there are sacks we'll need to use
each day
From birth to death and everywhere we've
been
These
are a special sack that each one owns
We use these sacks to carry round our
bones
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MODERN
DAY WARRIOR
In
battle garb and gear and standing tall
With stomach taut and shoulders broad and
square
He stands prepared to answer to the
call
The clash of battle soon will find him
there
The
foes he'll meet are cold and battle
hard
They will not cease to fight for higher
ground
They'll hold their hand until the final
card
And then his best defense must prove most
sound
On
time he'll orchestrate his bold
assault
And catch his foes when they are
unprepared
He'll try to force them to a quick
default
Or in his well planned trap they will be
snared
In
deep anticipation of this day
He feels his heart beat fast and pulse
grow strong
Soon from his bunker he will wind his
way
The time grows short and now it won't be
long
But
then that plaintiff cry does pierce his
ear
Please hurry dear, your ride to work is
here
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DISSONANCE
AND AIR
In
hot discourse with others and my peers
Through words and images a game ensues
The goal of upsmanship then soon
appears
As swords of sentences we carefully
choose
Then
the race to gain the higher ground
Takes form as voices grow in range and
pitch
Attacks are made with gestures, stance and
sound
With jabs of rhetoric we weave a
stitch
With
cannonballs of metaphors we blast
By curt retorts, we parry with our foe
We test our strenghts to see which ones
will last
Which ones of us will make the better
show
The
chests swell up as cocks about to
fight
And arms flail out as if about to fly
Our points and prececents we then
recite
With egos charged, by dauntless thrusts we
pry
But
as the evening's course is fully run
And when the room itself is finally
bare
The sum of all that's left for all we've
done
Is but a minor warming of the
air
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SHELLS
When
next you find yourself upon a beach
There strolling new washed sand still wet
with sea
Take pause to note those treasures within
reach
Small remnants of life forms that used to
be
Dredged
up from ocean floors in rising swells
Disgorged by waves sent crashing on the
shore
They might appear at first as wastes of
shells
Bright artifacts they are if you'll
explore
Retrieve
them from the sand that keeps them
there
Then raise them to the light for closer
view
Place one beside the other and compare
Note every unique curve and color
hue
Each
stands alone, a separate work of art
Its architecture written by its genes
Each having played a small but needed
part
Within the changing cast of life's brief
scenes
One
day, like them, we all will leave our
shell
The remnants that remain will tell our
tale
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OLD
GRAVEYARD
In
dirt and rocks concealing dread decay
All scattered round and rearranged through
time
Lie remnants left where life has gone
away
Their story now an opera sung in
mime
Once
animated, vibrant, thriving forms
They danced upon the earth and had their
way
And gathered fruits of life with hungry
arms
Too unaware how brief would be their
stay
From
youth, it seemed their reign would never
end
All wondrous things were sure to come
their way
But death's a sentence no one can
rescind
And all must come to meet that final
day
That
final rest one day laid down their
bones
While someone left carved names upon their
stones
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Hollow
and empty is the man that has never
come to know and to share love. The
only memories he will leave with others
will likewise be hollow and
empty
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FINAL
JOURNEY
High
upon the rolling winds of Autumn
Unleashed from earth's eternal fervent
hold
Departing all I know from whence I
come
I now begin a journey swift and
bold
I
set no course, I know no destiny
And have no ties to bind me to my past
I journey forth completely loose and
free
However long this journey yet may
last
Caught
up in swelling waves of rising air
I touch the hem of heaven's firmament
But suddenly I'm welling with despair
As now I understand my life is
spent
I
know not why my time was cut so brief
How should I know, for I am just a
leaf
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HIDDEN
Within
a private place that's hidden well
Through wear and tear and age, all covered
up
Where mountains rose and trees in past
times fell
Now creatures move about to take their
sup
The
soil there many times has overturned
And flowers made to grow out from its
clays
Soon in rolling motion too are churned
Their brief existence counted out in
days
The
only constant there is endless change
As rocks make soil and soil makes trees
and grass
Those things then brought to life fulfill
their range
And flourish till their time has come to
pass
In
this small private place that's hidden
well
A new scene paints its face each passing
year
And each face a story it could tell
But no one's ever there, its tale to
hear
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DARK
REFLECTIONS
Like
haunting shadows cast by dieing sun
And always lurking, never far behind
Forever there despite how fast I run
In dire pursuit to confiscate my
mind
Those
dark-cast phantoms follow me about
Awaiting moments when my guard is low
To sieze my thoughts and wring my spirits
out
And tell me things I do not wish to
know
Their
forced reflections recreate my past
And dredge regret from every deep
recess
From first mistakes until my very last
They wallow me in guilt without
redress
Why
won't these dark-cast phantoms go away
How long for past mistakes must one man
pay
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FINAL
ACCOUNTING
That
fleeting claim they had on things
possessed
No matter how they verified that claim
Proved little value as their lives
progressed
Their ownership was only that in
name
For
each, despite how great his gathered
wealth,
Digressed each day until the very grip
That had such strength when in full bloom
of health
Wore down with age till every thing did
slip
No
wit or will of man could prove so
strong
That nature's plan could long be held at
bay
The span for each could only be so
long
And comes to end that final resting
day
So
gathered here across this well marked
field
The only thing that each could finally
save
At last is put away and tightly sealed
And all that's left is what's here in each
grave
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FALLEN
CLOWN
In
failed attempts conceived from foolish
dreams
Repeatedly, I've sacrificed my pride
Pursued unworthy goals and pointless
schemes
And falsely claimed to win because I
tried
Were
there at least some humor or some wit
To breathe some life or purpose in these
scenes
I might have seemed at least not such a
twit
And all could laugh despite what all this
means
But
I was not a clown to please the crowd
No matter how I floundered or I fell
The sound of all their pity wasn't
loud
Yet stabbed me with a pain that wreaked of
hell
I
hope that soon this circus act is
spent
So I might finally fold this tattered
tent
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SO
ON I CLIMB
What
rugged climb is this before me here
With jagged edges jutting all around
What goal upon that crest could be so
dear
To lure me from this safe and level
ground
Why
can't I simply rest where now I stand
And never risk the falls that might
await
This task before me now I never
planned
So why am I engaged in this
debate
But
even as I stand and wonder why
As though no choice exists, I start the
climb
I guess I'll find no rest until I die
For this is how I'm bound to spend my
time
So
once again I struggle to ascend
This ragged ridge that fate to me did
send
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A
man is incomplete if he cannot find
humor and laughter in the world about
him. No one will cry at his passing for
no one will have known joy with his
presence.
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INTO
THE COLD
I
wear no well-made coat to block the
cold
To shield against the winds this winter's
night.
I seek no shelter's lea, no comfort's
fold
No place I might escape this tortured
flight.
And
on I run, as if I knew to where
As if I even had a clue to why.
I act as though I still have cause to
care
But truth cannot be mastered by a
lie.
I
run not from the cold, but to its
grip.
This loose and tattered cloak I choose to
wear.
I plan no place to rest along my trip,
I'm driven not by hope, but by
despair.
Though
strange it sounds, there's comfort in my
pain
As it distracts from thoughts of you
again.
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PARTITIONS
Astray
amid partitions of my mind
Round random turns I wander through the
maze
Pursuing hidden imprints I might find
Fragmented memories left from happier
days.
In
such escapes, I know not what I'll see
Sometimes while there I'll meet a long
lost friend
Or come upon that boy that once was me
And wonder when that boy and youth did
end.
Some
scenes I'll hold and struggle to
relive
While others bring back only morbid
pain
Just who and what I was is all they'll
give
And even so, I know I'll come
again.
Yet
every time, no matter what I do
I know I'll make that turn and still find
you.
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CARESS
OF SOULS
The
world forbade that I should ever know
Sweet ecstacy that might come from your
kiss
And ordered things so I could never
show
How in my dreams of you we came to
bliss.
As
moral beings captured by events
Our partners and our lives are well
defined
So dark desires must linger in
suspense
And hidden deep for none to ever
find.
Yet
even though our lips will never touch
And comfort from your breast must be
denied
There is a gift from you that I may
clutch
And cherish even past the day I've
died.
Recorded
evermore on heaven's scrolls
A time eternal sweet caress of
souls.
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BARREN
A
burned out place laid bare by heartless
sun
Without a breeze to soothe its dry,
parched earth
No sight of shade, no water loose to
run
A barren plane that yields no fruits of
worth.
A
morbid stretch where beauty cannot
stand
Where anything that rises is cut down
Then ground and ground again to add more
sand
Upon this flat and useless spread of
ground.
One
lone and ghostly shadow moving there
Portrays a sadly lost and hopeless
soul.
No one in sight with whom that man can
share,
No one to mourn that final bell to
toll.
A
scene not for the brush or sculptor's
knife
For this is but the landscape of my
life.
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STILL
THERE
I
folded in the corners of my world
And very carefully left all others out
Till all the seams about me tightly
curled
My isolation was no more in
doubt.
I
wander through my days in measured
space
While keeping all about me far at bay
Till each becomes but just another
face
Which I discard at every close of
day.
All
feelings gathered up and bounded tight
I hide in unused corners of my heart
Where they cannot assault me in the
night
With memories stirred to tear my peace
apart.
Though
no one is allowed my space to share
Sometimes I'll turn and think that you're
still there.
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DESCENT
With
matted seaweed binding up my limbs
And squeezing ribs till breath no longer
flows
While echoes ring forth ancient sailors'
hymns
I sink to depths where light no longer
goes.
Descending
slowly, surely to my end
The growing numbness brought on by the
cold
Denies all chance that I might yet
ascend
While shades of darkness ever deeper
fold.
A
loneliness that no man could have
known
Wraps me in its layers of dire despair
And from the very marrow of my bone
Draws out the final vestiges of
care.
Then
startled suddenly, my mind returns
As I am snatched away from being dead
The cold is gone and now the fever
burns
I realize that I'm awake in
bed.
My
nightmare is the same each empty night
A part of me invites its final end
Since your departure robbed my life of
light
Now even while awake, I still
descend.
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COLD
Such
bitter cold from Winter's angry stay
Surrounds all things to suck away the
heat
And grimly hides the brighter light of
day
In skies of grey all filled with snow and
sleet.
This
visitor of gaunt and gloomy form
Descends at times in blustery ragged
rage
Dispensing waves of hardship and of
harm
Till all is frozen solid on its
stage.
Ill-tempered
winds then slice the air like knives
Through cloth and flesh they pierce to do
their deed
Relentlessly against all things it
drives
Till all the warmth within begins to
bleed.
The
landscape made seems pure,
all dressed in white
A wondrous mix of beauty and of
blight.
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NIGHT
That
fading edge of light I watch recede
While dancing over shapes along its
path
It pulls the darkness on behind its
lead
And paints the landscape grim in shadow's
bath.
All
bright and all alive in moments past
The scenery soon becomes a morbid
scape
While chilling quiet settles deep and
fast
And soon we're cloistered neath its vast
dark cape.
How
sinister and grave all things appear
When only parts and edges can we glean
From dark recesses, minds now conquer
fear
Much more from that not heard and that not
seen.
In
sleep's escape, we'll wait the pass of
night
Till it recedes to lead in morning
light.
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SILENCE
Here
in this room with all so dark and
still
Now something odd has come to join me
here
I cannot see its face, but feel its
chill
From deep within, it sparks a primal
fear.
How
can this thing exist, it has no shape
No form or substance, yet it claims this
space
The laws of nature offer no escape
For everything of substance has a
face.
But
formless as it is, it fills this room
And everything herein is now consumed
Within its eerie essence and its gloom
Till all within its presence are
entombed.
I
could not make it out when first it
came
But now I know it, silence is its
name.
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I
THINK NOT -
THEREFORE, I AM NOT
No
longer do I search to find a thought
That's rattling round all lost within my
brain
For now a thought's the last thing to be
sought
No need to think once one has gone
insane.
So
having thus declared my new found
state
I only now await my purchased peace
With nothing left to write upon my
slate
I only wish all thinking now would
cease.
But
as I try to savor my new role
And from oblivion's waters take my
drink
I only spiral deeper in this hole
While thinking how I might no longer
think.
The
flaw in my escape I now can see
Insanity's not all its thought to
be.
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|
NOT
THERE
I
cried aloud through still unanswering
air
And waited for a sound to be returned.
But only silence came to greet me
there
The loneliness I knew more deeply
burned.
I
stared into that vast and empty night
And cried once more at nothing to be
seen.
No shape or form to give reflected
light
Just me and nothing there or in
between
No
other there to see or hear or feel
No one to heed my cries, no one to
touch
No one to help this wound within to
heal
No one to pull me from despair's tight
clutch
Yet
still I cried again into that air
I cannot seem to learn that you're not
there.
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TOMORROW'S
MIST
The
twists and turns and turbulence of
life
Like rising tides may shift the sands
around
And islands carved from that broad unseen
knife
Provide a loose and sure uncertain
ground.
To
mark your soil and claim security
Speaks low of what you might have passed
as wit
On morning's rise, your island might not
be
Your baseless claim not worth a single
spit.
Like
forces born from nature's careless
womb
The acts of men will form the surging
tide
And currents in that wash might carry
doom
For those who do not find safe place to
hide.
So
offer thanks for what small ground you
hold
And know one day that it might not
exist
For as the shifting sands of life
unfold
What now seems real is but tomorrow's
mist.
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SHADOW
MEN
They
are the men whose minds can't range to
see
The complex form an uncarved stone might
take
The tune a string of notes might join to
be
How from mere words a statement they might
make.
They
stare with empty minds at canvass bare
And dream not oils and strokes to fill its
space
Confront another soul but do not share
The vast and unique man behind the
face.
In
muted tones, they pattern out their
lives
Existing but as shadows among men
Dare not to venture forth for fear of
strife
Concerned that such bold acts might do
them in.
They
too will pass through life as all men
must
But all they'll leave in passing is their
dust.
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BRIEF
REFLECTIONS
Such
a brief and fragile image
That moving shadow of a bird
Gliding along the still blue water
Of this cool summer lake.
Appearing
as if from nowhere
Commanding my attention
As it glides across the surface
Then quickly as it came,
disappears.
I
search across the sky
To catch that bird in flight
But find only clouds and empty space
I have just the shadow to
remember.
Like
so many other things
That have passed through my life
Now also reduced to brief reflections
Like shadows across my mind.
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Wasted
is the man who will not strive to
understand himself, for no matter what
he may learn of the world about him, he
will never understand his part in that
world or that world's part in
him.
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