Poetry By Ann Dawson from Sussex, England, UK e-mail: anngd@anngd.co.uk   T he ca nd l e . Oh warm and gentle flickering light, chasing the shadows from the night glimpses of softness darting to and fro across the walls, to spread their glow. Reassuring as its gleaming guile, slowly creeping, the shadows revile. Slowly, tardily, diminish its height, the flame and taper continue their fight. Throwing out flashes of dancing rays, as cowering darkness around it plays. Flame of life and chastity, pure and clean, consolatory.   THE MONKFISH The Monkfish has great beauty though appearance be not its charms, A King amongst the waters deep swims silently from all harm. Ugly to all, whose eyes are closed to the sheer beauty of his form. Open the vision of your mind and see this wonderous creature transform. So open your eyes and see deeper, beyond this outer shell to the exquisite being that lies within, on first impressions not to dwell. Everything in Nature has beauty, though some may disagree, For all is created to perfection in the way it is meant to be.   KIDS!!! (who'd have 'em) I look about this house and see, such devastation there, How can three kids make such a mess, and leave it with no care. There's dried jelly on the carpet, there's cake upon the light, The walls look as if they've had a paint and crayon fight. There's pizza in the bathroom and marmite in the tea How does it get in such a mess, can YOU explain to ME. The toys have all exploded, bits sprayed all around the floor, kitchen chairs are now a den, my jacket, makes the door. The bathroom ain't much better, the shampoo's near all spent, toothpaste drips out from the tube, I daren't wonder where it went. Towels thrown down upon the floor, dirty clothes lay there in heaps, I've just espied my make-up bag, haven't seen it now for weeks. The same story is in the bedrooms, clothes both dirty and clean, dropped and left all o'er the deck where a carpet once was seen. Chests of drawers gape open, empty drawers lay on the floor, Will they ever begin to understand what these useful things are for. A lesson I'll have to teach them, I'll take everything away, no clothes will they have to wear, no toys with which to play. My mind is set upon this plan, to the rules they will be bound, no more havoc or chaos, shall within this house be found. So, now, plucking up the courage, to relate this to my young, struggling over mounds of junk, the words hanging on my tongue. I've got to tell them straight away, so that first thing in the morn. they can put this room to rights, this disorder then to scorn. With the anger raging within me, off up the stairs I tread, beyond the door I see them, sleeping peacefully in their beds. These gentle little angels, three bundles of heavenly delight, no one in their rightful mind, could be cross with them tonight. So while they're gently sleeping, I'll just clear the lounge and stairs, maybe do the kitchen and then the bicycle repairs. So I will leave it until tomorrow, to tell of my design. allowing sleep to take these cherubs, these wonderful kids of mine.   TILL WE MEET AGAIN The day that I first met you, there was something in your eyes which held my full attention, As if I had won first prize. I didn't know quite what it was, that made my heart just melt, but a pounding started in my chest, and the strangest things I felt. My insides turned to jelly, my head began to whirl, butterflies tickled my tummy, and my toes began to curl. Your voice was smooth as silk, your hair shone in the sun, your eyes sparkled like a diamond when the polishing was done. You slipped your arms around my waist, you whispered in my ear, Those words will never leave me, I still hear them loud and clear. You spoke of how you loved me, you spoke such words of charm, I knew that being close to you would never do me harm. But that was many years ago, how long I can't recall Many hurdles we have seen go by, now seem so very small. I stand here now and watch you lay so cold and yet so still, remembering all the things we did, Our dreams, we did fulfill. Our life together was so good, and now you have to go, you have meant so much more to me than you will ever know. I didn't have the chance last night to say goodbye to you, You slipped away so quietly, you were gone before I knew. But one day soon my darling man, we once again shall meet, and I shall lay right by your side, flowers blooming at our feet. But until that day when I can join you lying there in peace, The love we had shall still live on, for that will never cease.   SLEEP, BABY, SLEEP I can feel you swell inside of me your small and powerless form, so dependent on the care i give, to keep you from all harm. Within the womb's great haven perfect peace and care abound, my love engulfs your fragile soul your being to surround Oh, small and tender life so pure so gently you perform. so helpless, warm and unaware of life's forthcoming storm. So take your time, and gently sleep and grow in love, secure, Be safe while you develop there far from this life impure. For one day soon, you will emerge to face this world's disdain, So rest awhile and gently sleep your presence from here abstain.   I KNOW Did you think I wouldn't notice the lipstick on your shirt, Did her perfume spill upon the floor where you thought it wouldn't hurt Her present to you of that watch did you think I wouldn't see did you really think you could pass it off as the one that came from me. Did you think that all those late hours that you came home at night That I would fall for all your lies did you really think I might. The tickets in your pockets for the concerts and hotel was I really supposed not to notice how our bank balance fell. That earring on the carpet floor we know it wasn't mine, The soft kid glove lay in the car, with stitching, oh so fine. So many things and tell tale signs how careless can you be, to just pretend I imagine things or think that I don't see. Are you really just that thoughtless or don't you care at all You never used to be like that with me as far as I recall. What has happened to you, do you just not love me now, Do I no longer excite you Does it matter anyhow. When you come home tonight, there will not be a sound, the house will be so empty, Because I won't be around.   A CHILD'S ILLNESS She lay so weak and poorly there, barely her chest did rise and fall, Her 'pock-marked' face, her tousled hair, she lay so frail and small. So ill she lay, and I alone, would hear her wimpering fight, once more, troubled sleep she would find, as I held her through the night. As dawn drew near, the sun did rise, the sky brought forth the day, my eyes, so dull, from watching her little face, so pale and gray. A tiny flicker from her eyes, her arms, twitched on the sheet, her little voice so weakly cried 'Mummy... I want something to eat'.   CHRISTMAS TRAVELLER Wonderous eyes opened wide to stare at the glittering spectacle before them there. Shiny round baubles, tinsel so bright, with twinkling lights shining into the night. Sparkling and glistening for all their worth such a beautiful sight upon this earth The magic of Christmas hung in the air catching the breath of ev'ry one there Faces held in awe at that wonderous sight the bewitching horizon so festive and bright. Packages large, and packages small there's a parcel labelled for one and all. Joyous greetings tripped from every tongue, the spectre of Christmas had all but begun. The table bearing such incredulous fare undreamt delicacies, not a space left bare. As the chattering and babbling of Christmas began Jubilant sounds as the fiesta went to plan. Happiness, through that glacial portal, I saw nose squashed to the glass, I stayed there in awe. I could barely drag my bulging eyes away, wishing and praying, that there I could stay. Such amazing beauty ne'er before had I seen, none of them realize that there I had been. Slowly, grudgingly, drawing away that spectre of magic, in my mind was to stay. I picked up my bundle, placed my bed in its pack, slouched off down the lane, ne'er to look back. For the road is my home, my own lonely world, frosted ditches and hills around me unfurled. None will e'er know that I'd been there that night to share in that beautiful, wonderous sight.     As I lay here in my bed, I dare not open my eyes, I know they're out to get me, I know how hard they try, this devil's house fills me with fear, its risks so clear to see, how can I escape and save my soul, before they get to me. My day is full of horror, to that kitchen I dare not go, lurking, skulking in the sink, they, on the worktops grow. Those dishes are out to catch me, they're hiding in that place, I know that they conceal themselves, ready to give me chase. As I pass by the laundry room, that washer growls out in glee, I'm sure it's gonna get me soon, oh help, please hear my plea. It's twirling eye stares through that tomb, o'er dirty mounds of clothes whirring, whizzing its angry sounds, hot steam through pipes it blows. The vacuum, slowly slithers out, from underneath the stairs, slowly, tardily, gathering speed, wrapping wire around the chairs. Dust clouds, belching from behind, it's angry roar I hear, coming closer, closer, closer still, I know it's getting near. Wherever I hide, wherever I go, I can hear their furious sound, I can hear them calling around the house, their menace does abound. So hiding here beneath my sheets, this day I cannot brave, I know if I should e'er give in, I'll become a household slave.   ONE DAY AT A TIME I have to take control again of this wretched life of mine, this sickness, here inside of me, made alcohol my shrine. One day at a time, is what it takes, to free me of this fiend and take me away from my life, that's now so demeaned. A greater power, is out there, to take heed of my plea, and I offer myself unto His care, help return my sanity. Searching deep within myself, my soul's inventory to find, to fearlessly admit my faults, their morals to remind. But one day at a time is what I'll take, to slowly tread that path onward to the next great step, to avert this alcoholic wrath. I admit to myself and all around, confess where I've gone wrong these faults that lie within me, no more do they belong. So, one day at a time, as I trudge along that rocky road, I do my best to stay in line with this, my new found code. In time I will be ready to humbly ask and pray, my shortcomings and my failures, ask Him to take away. Through addiction to this evil, to many I have caused pain, and to them all, shall make amend, and vow ne'er to do again. But just one day at a time, I know, is all that I can bear, to make this day free from drink, I'll try, to myself I swear. I'll keep on trying , oh so hard, and admit when I go wrong, from keeping to this narrow path, that will last my whole life long. I will pray for guidance from Him, and for His strength to carry on, to help me just one day at a time, from dawn until it's gone. So as I travel along this road, my eyes open wider as I go, to others I'll pass this message, and to them I will show. how we all can help each other on that long and uphill climb, and taking life all so gently, taking, just one day at a time.   AIN'T MEANT TO BE THIS WAY Oh No! he's coming home now, what is there left undone, I daren't leave the kids' toys lying out there in the sun. He'll just go mad at me again, I know he'll have his say, there is never any pleasing him, it goes on day by day. His dinner's on the table, his paper's folded neat, oh God, is that a cat's hair I can see upon his seat. My life just isn't worth living, he gives me such a fright. Everything I do, to him, will never turn out right. Am I really that bad at things, does this house look such a mess as he tells me that is does, I can't tell, I must confess. He's shouting at me now, he says his dinner's cold, but it's steaming, I can see it, the plate I can barely hold. I clean the mess from the floor and as he storms out of the house, he screams that I have missed a bit, and that I'm a useless spouse. Oh God, don't let him back here, I can hardly stand any more, I don't know what he wants from me, am I his wife or just his whore. I can't bear for him to touch me, as he pleasures himself this way, my head is screaming 'let me be', I can't stand another day. Let me sleep and never wake, this life I cannot stand, when I made my vows, this ain't the way my future I had planned.     The wind may howl, the rain may pour, the snow lay thick on the ground but here, within our cottage retreat, our piece of heaven, we've found. The oaken door, so firm and stout, closing out the world so cold, here within our paradise fine happiness we cannot withhold. So warm and safe within these walls our love and dreams abound, The dreamy nights are ours to share soft and gentle as melodies sound, Candlelight flickers across the room with the shadows to gently play, dancing and flashing along the walls keeping the darkness at bay. The log fire crackles, so bright and warm, exploding fireflies into the glare wisps of smoke up the chimney, creep to seek out the cold night air. And we, snuggled close, upon the rug, our arms and bodies entwined, to languish in our love complete, our hearts and souls combined.   TIME AND DISTANCE This warm and lovely feeling, so deep inside me grows with every time I talk to you, my spirit simply glows. The gentle tone of your voice, your accent soft and calm, I long to be there by your side, to languish in your arms. Every time, your voice I hear, I mellow to the sound feeling ever closer then my heart begins to pound. What is this powerful spell that you cast upon my soul, It would seem my total life is under your control. I willingly surrender to this felicitatious dream And hope reality, slender, Will enter to this scheme, But time and distance 'tween us, this union won't allow One day, my dear, we shall meet To you I make this vow. Succumbing to your tender charms, praying no more to part, I shall offer my open arms So you receive my heart.     How many ways is it possible to tell you 'I love you' That it's everything about you and everything you do How many ways can I let you know within me, you start a fire that burns so bright, you really are my heart's one burning desire. How can I explain the way I feel to let you understand, that yearning that's deep inside me, my love's at your command. How can I enlighten you, of the craving that I perceive that only your love given in return is able to relieve. How can I tell you that from the first, my passion was born then grew. But I know for sure, I need not explain 'cause I know...you love me too.   THE LETTER It lay quite still upon the mat, it fluttered through the door, not wanting yet to touch it, as it lay there on the floor. I knew the words it contained, words so clear and plain, telling me my broken heart would still be full of pain. Pain that I don't want to face, I fear what lay ahead, frightened just of touching it, I would open it with dread. We had argued, just last night, I gave you back your ring, you told me the affair was over, it had only been a fling. How could you do it to me, and break my heart this way, you begged me to forgive you, no longer you would stray. How can I believe it won't recur, how can I trust you now, not to break my heart a second time, this I can't allow. For I know that you still want her, and I am second best, No, I will not take you back, to again my heart molest. My life will take a back seat, and to you I'll not pretend to forgive the hurt you caused, and allow my heart to mend.   THE DAY YOU DIED Each day I come to visit, as you lay so peaceful there, knowing that your soul's at rest, with freedom from all care. It makes no sense in this world, for it's here you should have stayed, that car headed straight for you, did it have to end this way? This senseless slaughter of you, this destroyer of your life, you left, two weeks, before the day that I would be your wife. But now you're taken from me, they've put you in your grave, How is it that your precious life, they could not help to save. My dress hangs in the wardrobe, for the day we should have wed, my heart filling with regret, as approaching that day, I dread. For we will not stand side by side, exchanging vows of love, instead you'll be looking down from heavenly skies above. My love will always be true to you, from this day till my end, until that time, here by your grave, my whole life I will spend. But on that day, I'll make my vows, and sit here bye your side, knowing that forever more, I'll curse the day you died.   THE COFFIN The coffin lay there so forboding, I wanted to turn round and run a steady hand to my shoulder placed afore my blossoming fear had won. The pictures hung silent on the walls a stillness clung to the air the scent of death was all around the fire grate lay cold and bare. So chilled, the room, in deathly hush, feet shuffling across the floor, were the only sounds that could be heard morbid silence could not ignore. A gentle nudge to me from behind urged me closer toward that casket a great doubt formed within my mind wanting to leave, but couldn't ask it Slowly, dutifully, edging close to that ghoulish box of pine pure white satin peeped o'er the edge revealing its contents divine. Opening my eyes displayed to me a serene angel so full of grace so peacefully lying, her skin so pure, no single hair fell from place This angel was my own sweet Mum the creator of my whole, her purpose upon this mortal earth my life hers to extol A peaceful calm came over me her lying there did I espy my fingers crept up to her cheek 'I love you Mum, Goodbye'   ALONE As I sit alone, I hear the cry of a far off sea-bird, way up high. The sky is blue, the day is clear. No-one comes around, no-one comes near. Alone I stand, I walk the beach, I try to find something out of reach, The burden I carry, I carry alone, pick and fondle a small round stone. A stone is lucky, it feels no pain, It just is worn by wind and rain. The birds are free and are so shy, I just sit alone and cry. No where to hide, no where to run My load is heavy, I see no sun No one to love, I see no hope, Through the years of life, I beg and grope. Maybe one day, I hope to see that life will turn out good for me. For this I will always hope and pray, that I may see the sun one day. To me, love will come, one day, it should and see this loneliness gone, for good. But until to me, that day is shown, I'll sit and walk and cry, alone.   20 YEARS AGO Some 20 years ago, my Dear when we were both still young, we lived our lives as we thought best, dreaming dreams as yet unsung. Young loves we had, we both agree, that did not turn out right, The tears that fell, the heartaches too. The sadness of life's own plight. So much we have suffered along the way, treading life's path with care, Wishing and praying that time would mend love's twisted course repair. We each have had our sorrows, our heartaches and our pain, the loves we've had through teenage years that drove us both insane, The paths we've trod and things we've done, some not without regret, wasting many years on mistaken dreams our futures seemed quite set, Each corner turned we would face new challenges to our heart, to tug upon the strings so fine our submission to impart. We gave our all, and we fought on, and to our vows stayed true, But times do change, and new light brought the signs of life anew. I've known you just a short time now, but so clearly it does show an appeasing life we would have known had we met....20 years ago.   PICTURES ON THE WALL Hanging silently upon the wall My life in pictures is revealed to all. Frames full of memories for all to see, But every one is so special to me. The face of a schoolgirl hanging there, With sparkling eyes, long brown hair. A time when teenage years were cast, Remembering times long gone past. Pictures of my family and happy years, Faces of sorrow, and crying of tears. Pictures of my children each year they grew, Placing each frame alongside the new. On the walls they hang, my memories to keep, My life's journey in pictures and shall never sleep. A journey that keeps growing from picture to frame, No likeness displayed there, could be the same. A story it relates, to those whom they see Those pictures and frames tell the story of me, In bedrooms lounge, from the door to the hall. My life hangs in pictures upon my wall   I REMEMBER How often I sit here and ponder, on times long gone past, Things I've seen in my life, those memories there to last. I remember sitting by an open fire, no TV there to see, A radio was all that we had, my family and me. I recall those summer days, spending time upon the beach, The hours of fun that we all had, till end of day we reached. I remember walks out in the forest where deer could oft be seen, Watching rabbits and finding footprints where once a fox had been. Those frosty nights and frozen morns, to find on the windowpane, The icicles that hung there dripping, as they melted once again. Watching through the window, as a storm would pass us by, to see the blackened clouds, as they'd drift across the sky. I remember the feel of calm when the wind outside had died, The fluffy clouds pure white and clean, on the horizon there espied. I remember the day I brought you home, my family first to meet, How you tripped and blushed so red, as you went to take a seat. That day that you proposed to me, how clearly I recall, a joy that rose within my heart, as you stood proud and tall. I remember, on our wedding day, how much my mother cried, Happy tears coursed down her face, no makeup could defy. I remember the day I told you, that parents we would be, The look of love upon your face, I still can clearly see. And on the day our son was born, you were there by my side. Your heart filled with such joy, your chest puffed out with pride. And as he grew, first steps he took, a bike then learned to ride, The falls, grazed knees, and broken limbs, he took all in his stride. The day he went to college, still lives on in my memory, So grand he looked and I so proud, the world for him to see. I remember the day the doctor called to say that you were ill, That only a short time we could expect to be together still. That day that we buried you, and lay you here to rest, Memories all came flooding back, I knew my life was blessed. So many memories that I recall of happy times and sad, The things we've shared between us, of all the times we've had. By sitting here, and all alone, looking back into the past, Is the only way that I know to make those happy memories last.     Top | Back to Collected Poems | Back to Main Page